It’s five am and i’ve wanted to write for days now. It seems like as soon as one thing settles in something else creeps in and causes my thoughts to move toward the new ones. Breathing is a God given gift. As I wake up each morning I am aware and have experienced that a loved one didn’t have the opportunity to do the same. But yet I breathe. And still I am thankful for it. But as I breathe, at times anxiety trickles in. It seems that my world starts feeling more and more consumed. But sometimes I am fortunate enough to recall. I am fortunate to have experienced some peaceful situations throughout life. Times where my heart rested. Where it would beat a normal beat. Where a simple hand held made me feel like nothing else mattered and it was just two, Oh how I long to breathe like that again. How I long for the times of quiet in the presence of my beautiful peace. As I now sit outside I hear birds chirping, I see the clouds moving across the moon, I hear that oh so familiar train that seems to follow me wherever I go… and still… this peace is not a fully satisfying peace. In this moment I can breathe but my stomach turns from wanting and needing. It’s vividly in my mind and heart and I can’t push it away. But do I want to? I don’t think that I do. But how I long do I breathe without the very thing which helped to give me life. I look to the heart of it all and I know that a good breathe is something that we all long for and if experienced it is a truly life changing most satisfying thing.

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