I just feel like being honest tonight. It’s not that I am not honest normally but I feel especially honest tonight. I just don’t understand some people and the way that they are uncompassionate about everyone else and yet they want to be shown compassion in their own lives. I am not a perfect person nor do I or would I ever claim to be. I have gone through a lot of things in life and I have a clear mindset on how to be compassionate with others. I know people that have gone through situations and then they can sit back and criticize someone for going through situations, Excuse me? I do not understand your logic sir! You make me laugh yet you make me cry. How do you or have you ever shown grace to someone? Here is the thing, yes, we all make mistakes and yes in theory and really in life we are supposed to learn from those mistakes and keep it moving. However, I am someone who continues to make mistakes and I do believe that I still am going to meet my Father in heaven because His death is not about me but about what He did on the cross. My Father knows me. He knew and knows what I am going to do and what I have done before I do or did it. And this is truth to me. In that respect, sir how are you to talk about me and not recognize your own faults? This is upsetting to me because of people like you, you make it hard for a person like myself who struggles to open up and feel safe in my faults. Meaning, you make it uncomfortable for me to ever pour my true heart out to you when I feel ashamed to even have a discussion with you. I would feel completely stupid, inadequate, unworthy to even be in the same room with you sir! If that is your way of me being closer to you, you are extremely wrong and this does nothing but push me away from you.

I have gone through a lot of things in life, and through those experiences I have learned to have compassion with people. People want to feel safe and not ashamed of their faults or their struggles. Look at your heart. Look at yourself! It makes me laugh for those who have “not gone through anything!” Please live long enough and come holla at me when you do go through it. But you know what the difference is between you and me? I will open my heart to you, I will listen to you, I will encourage you, I will be the shield that you need to cover you, I will be the call that you need to make in the middle of the night to reassure you of God’s love and grace, I will be the one to hold you in the darkest moments of your life and I will be the one standing in the stands hollering your name at the finish line once you cross to cheer you on. I will not allow you to feel alone. Sir, even after all of that you still may wake up and feel entitled, you still may believe that you are above the next person, you still may think that you have done it all perfect and His way, you still may look at yourself in the mirror with all your faults and choose to look down on someone else. And you know what, that is something that you will have to deal with on your own, that is something that you will have to reckon in your time. I will still walk away from you in love.

Sir, I will continue to love you even though I have shown you grace when you needed it and you have not done the same. I will not listen to your “perfect” ways, I will call you out on it because you can’t ask the Father to forgive you in your issues and then don’t forgive or have compassion towards others in their time. This just bothers me because I have fallen and will continue to fall. Possibly if I had never tasted the situations in life that I have this would be another story, but I like my story, even through the tears I like my story because it has opened my heart so much. Had I not gone through the things that I have then I would not be able to relate to others and point them toward The Lord. I would not be able to say I have gone through a, b, and c and He saved me. I would not be able to say “thank God that I am here.” Here’s the thing… To look at me is to not see me, for you have not seen the things of my heart, you do not see the struggles that I face or the love that I want, you can’t possibly see me, my smile hides it all so well. But let me give you a moment of my time and I will prove to you why at first glance you will never see that and it is because of Jesus. His name and who He is, is above it all and that is the reason for my smile. Sir!!!! Give me a moment of your time.

2 thoughts on “I Don’t Understand

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