It’s been awhile since I expressed my feelings. There are a lot of things I just don’t understand, but I do know what love is and how I feel that it should look like. I have given love only to not feel loved at all. Why…I wonder why it seems that the love I give gets lost in everyone else’s own goals and desires. Man..I’ve cried so many tears of loneliness. I’ve cried out of wishing that someone would truly say to me that they love me. That I matter, that my dreams did not dissipate. I’ve given a lot of my soul and it hurts. Can I just admit that it hurts? Can I just say that I wait until nighttime and I finally get a chance to let my tears drop from my eyes. So many people that have interfered in my life with nothing positive to say. What I wouldn’t give to let my guard down. What I wouldn’t give to just laugh, oh man how I love to laugh. How I love to make people laugh. How I just wish someone would look into my eyes and say I see your heart.
I remember being embraced at different moments of my life and inhaling security, if just for a little while. I cling to those moments in my heart for sparingly have I been able to feel that way. I have found that my life is business all the time, but who can function that way? How long can I function this way? How long can I feel like there are people with not my best interest at heart around me. A cage. It seems like the real me is trying to come out and i’m stuck. I don’t want to be stuck. I want to feel free in love. For if i’m not free in love then this person who I have become will always struggle. I don’t want to struggle always. Please listen to my heart!