I believe that due to my personal losses in life that God has allowed me the greatest gift of all, which is that of humility. Although, I toggle with the fact if I was ever really “ungrateful.” Well, I guess I was since I felt like since I did things by what I thought was the “book” that I was owed a perfect life. What is the perfect life to me you may ask? I thought it was a house, a dog, three children, etc. This was my narrative but His plans are greater than mine, and no one can argue with me on that!! To make a long story short, I don’t have a dog, three children, or even a white picket fence, but what I do have internally is what I believe to be part of the reason why I am here. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,… Jeremiah 1:5 ESV. He knew me, He knows me even still and has crafted my interactions to honor Him. I have an experience that I would like to share..
I went to an event last week, and I wasn’t too energetic to go to it. When my son has piano practice I really dislike missing it, but sometimes it is necessary. As I was driving to this event I was thinking, “God I hope that I get something out of this, I hope there is a reason for me going to this thing.” And I said this because I really wanted to be with him, but sometimes God will take you out of what you think you should be doing and place you into a situation to give Him glory. As I am at this event I am talking to a sweet woman about the event and she starts to share her heart with me on a personal level. I won’t go into details because that’s her business but I informed her that I too have suffered with loss.
Losing my job, my home, and my daughter were horrible experiences that I never thought that I would have to go through. As I am sharing these things with this sweet person we agreed that these personal pains are used to help one another know that we will get on the other side of these things. We literally started talking about how great God is at this event and I told her that no matter where I am, even when I am trying to be “business like” that I have to magnify God, and I can’t help it! To be honest this is a struggle for me. I am seriously dealing with this. Trying to understand how I can ask God to use me for the spreading of His word and then when I have an opportunity I second guess myself. But in my mind I tell myself to open my mouth and then it all spits out. This person was saying to me that my story gave her what she needed to hear that she’s not alone, and we aren’t.
We all have so far to go while we are here. But we are here for a reason. You never know if your experiences are being used to give someone else comfort. I find that when I am out running errands, or at events with a particular mindset that’s when I am caught off guard. I have been at the gym (anyone who knows me knows I don’t like talking at the gym) and someone will start talking to me about things and it shifts me from workout as hard as I can mode to let’s pray right here and right now mode. I am hopeful for the day that I won’t look at all of this as a struggle, but indeed I have so far to go!