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I hate doing New Years resolutions. When I was younger I used to do them all the time but then I felt the pressure to make sure that I did whatever I said that I would do. For some… they may say, that’s the point! But for me I just felt like a complete failure of I didn’t follow through which just put more stress and pressure on me. Whereas for years now, I just have a life style that I try to live day to day and I make changes when necessary. I will say that I feel like I’m in limbo, and not just right now but for a long time.
I watched a video the other day of a man taking about how women give up their wants and dreams for the betterment of the family and I have personally experienced that myself. I always loved going to school and really wanted to get my Masters. But to be honest, I’ve become overwhelmed.
Sometimes the noise is so loud in my head and yet there is never any quiet time for me outside of my head. I’m tired. I want and need peace and to be heard and to be understood. But how can you be understood when the person you wants to understand you says “that’s your fault?” How can you let it be known that your feelings matter? Your Christmas traditions matter? That your quiet time outside of them matters? I basically was the only child so I grew up pretty much by myself.
So how do you get people to understand that you need that quiet time and not just when your working out, because believe it or not, even the gym can be people interfering with quiet time. Man… I’ve changed. I’ve become more of an introvert while being an extrovert by having to in certain situations. I long for the simple days of my old traditions. The things that were so sacred and brought happiness and a smile to my inner being. The days when I wasn’t the last person to be thought about or cared for. The days when I knew I was loved!